• Banker leaves $1.33 tip on a $133 lunch; nominee for 2012’s Asshole Who Deserves to Die award
  At the True Food Kitchen restaurant in Newport Beach, California, a wealthy banker left a ridiculously mediocre tip for a large lunch. The $1.33 tip on a $133 lunch was a slap to the face of the waitress; if that was not enough to show off his ignorance and stupidity, the banker left a few words of advice as well: “Get a real job.” The incident has reignited the battle between the 99% and 1%, with many people criticizing the banker for his offensive actions. A similar incident happened last fall in Washington state, when a waitress received a tip of no money, and was suggested to “lose a few pounds.” It’s people like this that make those it-could-never-happen events in Waiting a possible reality.

• Actress Lucy Lawless arrested in oil ship protest; Xena: Warrior Princess has lost her thunder
  Remember “Xena: Warrior Princess?” Of course you do. Girls wanted to be her; guys wanted her but feared she would kick their ass and make them look bad. You’re lying to yourself if you do not know who Xena is. Lucy Lawless, the ex-warrior princess, was recently arrested after she, and five Greenpeace activists, climbed aboard an oil-drilling ship to prevent it from leaving a New Zealand dock. Police removed the protesters from their perch atop a 174-foot drilling tower on the Noble Discoverer in Port Taranaki. At least there was some good that came out of the action: More than 100,000 people had sent messages to Shell to oppose the company’s arctic plans. How should Greenpeace go about now? Obviously they need to make a Xena movie where she fights evil-doers with Captain Planet. Genius.

• 2012 Oscars end up awkward
  For everyone who chose the NBA All-Star game over the Oscars, you did yourself a huge favor. Consisting of tasteless jokes, a strange and misplaced performance by Justin Bieber and just an overall atmosphere of discomfort, this year’s Oscars did not really do any better than last year’s ceremony. The only unpredictable moment of the Oscars was Sacha Baron Cohen dumping the fake ashes of Kim Jong-il over Ryan Seacrest’s head. Maybe for next year the Oscars should consider bringing out Cohen as the host. Sure, it would probably be a mess and someone would probably die, but considering this year’s ratings was only a mere 4% higher than last year’s, what is there to lose?

Eli Watson