You wouldn’t want it done to you

Not so recently, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend among dykes and fems alike: girls objectifying other girls.

At first, I didn’t get it. Then I kind of understood it. Now I just don’t get it at all nor agree with it. As someone who has both objectified and been objectified, I can safely say that neither leaves you feeling any better about yourself, any more empowered or any more likely to win a suitable mate. So why does it happen, and, more importantly, why does it happen so often?

Playas

Since I typically keep assholes away from me, I don’t have any lesbian “player” friends to turn to for advice about this phenomenon. So the only way I can examine this trend is from afar, using the very scientific methods of generalizing and making assumptions.

One thing I do know is that the majority of the lesbian players out there have a pronounced masculine side to them. They often cross-dress, talk with a low, bass-y voice and adopt other male-oriented mannerisms and habits.

Unfortunately, in their quest to embody their masculinity and own their lesbianism, they’ve also adopted a trait from men that isn’t very savory. I’m sure you can guess what it is. But being a player isn’t limited to the very masculine, as I’ve seen plenty of fems turn heads and break hearts faster than you can order a tequila shot.

But why?

That still leaves me questioning why they do it. What is the psychology behind women using other women? Most lesbians site the roving male eye as well as disrespect of women as a couple reasons why they’re happy to be gay. But then they turn right around and do it to each other. This makes no sense.

My only guess is that women who do this do so to get the upper hand in a relationship. For centuries, men have fooled themselves into thinking that they were the superior sex. They had big muscles and a need to dominate, but that doesn’t necessarily make them superior, does it?

One can argue that the real superior gender has always been women, for they have what most men (and lots of other women) want. In the case of lesbians, both have what the other wants. And whoever wants it more has the disadvantage.

Who’s on top?

Perhaps one reason why women objectify other women is to feel in control of how a relationship is progressing. Maybe it stems from intimacy issues, or out of issues with respect and loyalty. Maybe it’s because you never really liked that person to begin with, but they were an easy lay.  Either way, every player I’ve ever known, male or female, had a lot of issues to work out because of it.

As a woman who has enjoyed the company of other women, I know firsthand that courting and winning the affections of a woman is tough work! It can leave you confused, exhausted and contemplating a regression back to heterosexuality. In short, women are hard to figure out, even for other women.

My guess is that the players of the lesbian world engage in this behavior because they have a heightened need for girl-sex and don’t want to always be the one risking rejection. If you keep your heart closed and your options open, you aren’t risking any real vulnerability. In fact, you are punishing the person who chooses to come near you.

Stopping it before it starts

As humans with a sex drive, it’s normal to go through a phase where all you see are body parts, but there’s a difference between the occasional peek-down-her-shirt and a full-on need to punish women through your sexuality. Coupled with society’s need to turn women (and girls) into sex objects, the tendency to disrespect other women sexually can get out of control, fast.

The best thing to do is to stop it before it starts. If you find yourself wanting women just to hit it and quit it, there might be something more below the surface. Only you know what it is. Just remember, it doesn’t feel good to be used, and you wouldn’t want it done to you.

Amanda Chappel