Kim Kardashian flour-bombed

Last week on Thursday in West Hollywood, entertainer Kim Kardashian was drenched in flour by a young woman. The incident happened on the red carpet after Kardashian finished posing for photographers for her new fragrance, True Reflection. The flour-bomber went between Kardashian and her publicist, and began dumping the contents on the reality TV star. Reports indicated that the assailant did it for Kris Humphries, Kardashian’s ex. Kardashian played it off cool though, even making jokes about the incident after getting cleaned up. One of the possible jokes: “This isn’t the first time I’ve been covered in something white.”

Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera: Hoodie had role in death

Fox News has never been at the top of people’s go-to list for information. Fox News commentator Geraldo Rivera is now part of that problem, as the TV personality made this opinion on “Fox and Friends” regarding the Trayvon Martin shooting: “I’ll bet you money that if he didn’t have that hoodie on, that nutty neighborhood watch guy wouldn’t have responded in that violent and aggressive way.” Of course, shit hit the fan soon after, with many individuals taking to Rivera’s Facebook page to criticize his opinion. This would not be the first time a Fox News commentator has flopped; Fox analyst Juan Williams was fired by National Public Radio in 2010 for saying that he gets nervous when he sees people on a plane with clothing that identifies them as Muslim. Way to go, Rivera; way to go.

“Survivor” star hopes to be next Indiana governor

First there was the Governator, now there may just be the Survivornator. Originally a part of the 2004 group of “Survivor,” Rupert Boneham now hopes to survive against competition to be Indiana’s next governor. After being nominated as a third-party choice Saturday, the former reality TV star is confident that he’ll succeed. “I really feel I have a strong chance of pulling not just the Libertarian vote, but the independent vote, the undecided vote, and maybe even some votes from Democrats and Republicans,” said Boneham in an interview with the Associated Press. Having been a Libertarian for more than 20 years, Boneham feels prepared for the job. Seriously though, maybe there should be a requirement for governorship: Only apply if you’ve ever been an actor. Would it lead the U.S. into ruin? Absolutely, but it’d be amusing to see.

Eli Watson

Rush Limbaugh continues to lose sponsors over Sandra Fluke remarks

Rush Limbaugh, you fucked up. The conservative talk show host has had to reevaluate his purpose in life after targeting Georgetown University student Sandra Fluke for her statements on birth control policy. Limbaugh went so far as to call the student a “slut,” which multiple sponsors, including Quicken Loans, Citrix Systems and LegalZoom, did not agree with. What Limbaugh’s situation has taught us is this: It’s a fluke to call someone a slut, unless there is unanimity in that said person being one.

Lindsay Lohan to host SNL; couldn’t be worse than Daniel Radcliffe (or could it?)

Lindsay Lohan is expected to make a triumphant return to the spotlight, starting off by hosting “Saturday Night Live.” It will be Lohan’s fourth time to host the late-night comedy show, having made her last appearance on the show in 2006. Recent years have not been too kind to Lohan: from her “fire-crotch” incident back in 2006, to the abysmal I Know Who Killed Me (whoever saw that movie fails at life, by the way), Lohan’s reacquaintance with the spotlight will hopefully begin soon. After all, there’s only so many AA meetings you can attend.

JFK’s White House affair with Mimi Alford goes public; ex-president laughing in his grave

Hudspeth County becomes known for busting celebrity potheads, among other things

SOPA and PIPA do not pass; Wikipedia secretly plots world domination

The Stop Online Piracy Act and Protect IP Act were postponed from becoming active this past week due to extreme opposition from online protests. The bills, aimed at foreign websites that infringe copyrighted material, have undergone scrutiny from internet users and companies alike; Wikipedia, Craigslist and Reddit were blacked-out, providing various sources for users to petition the two bills. The funniest and most absurd part of this fiasco? People freaking out over Wikipedia. In forgetting that libraries exist and actually do serve a purpose, people took to the Wikipedia page, many of them finding alternatives to still use the website, regardless of its black-out.